If nothing stood in the way of my dreams for WIU, the fairy godmother would make all things that are old and failing new again. We will recruit Pussy Riot to teach in our punk rock/peace and justice music program.
The fairy godmother will release the Performing Arts Center funds and use those to build the PAC, while re-building WIU’s reputation. The reason we need a PAC is that we’re going to invest in a 3-fold conservatory: orchestral, marching band, and musical theatre. Jazz, rock, and feminist hip hop, too, of course.
Our conservatory will be world-class and students from all over the country and the world will apply. Our music students will want a rigorous Liberal Arts program. AND WE WILL PROVIDE IT.
We will pay for the PAC’s operation by getting rid of the football program, which (as seen in recent documents faculty had to file FOIAS to get) is a strain on university budget, so we’ll happily transfer football subsidies to the PAC. Also, football players are statistically more likely to perpetrate sexual assault than the average college students, and the new WIU knows how to create an atmosphere in which it doesn’t occur to anyone to perpetrate gendered violence on another member of the community.
We’ll recruit a LOT of nasty feminists, so perpetrators of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment will not choose WIU, and if they do, we catch them the first time, before they victimize more men and women.
We’ll keep Hanson field for Drum and Bugle Core competitions, marching band camps, and performances.
The Liberal Arts College will occupy many buildings. Philosophy and Religious Studies will get their own building, and it’ll have a real coffee shop with two baristas.
We will continue to cater to first generation college students. We will recruit students who dream, students who are trying to climb out of poverty, or avoid it in the first place. We will teach rogues and outlaws and women who behave badly, and we will care for them dearly.
There will be restitution.
We will restore majors in Women’s Studies and African American Studies. And then develop majors in Latin/x Studies and Queer Studies.
We will make our laid off professors whole–you know, the ones who, in order to earn tenure, worked themselves to the point of burnout, earned tenure, and then were fired.
Most of our students will happily take three literature courses because they will love fiction and poetry from many times and places.
We will hire more women. We will keep hiring women until fifty one percent of our profs and instructors are women.
We will hire more people of color. We will keep hiring people of color until they are represented at WIU at the same rate they are represented in the USA.
Books will be included with tuition. Everybody gets the books they need.
If our profesors profess a radical, pro-choice, pro-labor, anti-neoliberal, feminist agenda on social media, our president will proudly defend us. She will say that she values free speech and that historically, university professors have often spoken truth to power.
Speaking of our president, she’s on top of hate and white supremacy. She names hate and condemns it. She names the hate groups and the white supremists and warns them that they are not welcome here. She will not deny their right to free speech, but she will protect and love the rigorously diverse group of students and faculty that will make up WIU. She will work hard to make us an inclusive community.
We will require our Law Enforcement Students to minor in Peace and Justice Studies. In order to help them deal with the cognitive dissonance of course work with the oppressor in the morning and the oppressed in the afternoon, we will supply them with a lifetime of therapy insurance. The reformed minor in Homeland Security will be a critical discipline that teaches students to refuse to accept the gassing and stealing of babies. The reformed Homeland Security will focus on domestic terrorism and how to thwart it.
We’ll plant more trees. We’ll proudly encourage cyclists to chain their bikes wherever they wish, because hey, cyclists are moving their bodies and reducing emissions, so we can’t wait to see your bikes chained to lampposts, trees, and railings.
If nothing stood in the way, what would you dream for WIU?