Witchy Feminist Mass Hex: Multiple Guess

Are You Prepared for the Witchy Feminist Mass Hex?  Take this quiz to find out.

Optional:   read the story  from Breitfart News.

  1. A Witchy Feminist Mass Hex is
    1. A crafty internet plot by feminist witches to assassinate misogynist patriarchs far and wide.
    2. A story that’s totally legit because a Breitfart news reporter broke it.
    3. A 2-ton manivore bitch whose DNA is emerging from melting arctic ice.
    4. Mansplain:  Let me tell you what a Witchy Feminist Mass Hex is. I can tell you about your vagina, too.
  1. The best way to prevent a Witchy Feminist Mass Hex is

    PROOF that Breitfart is right:  2 witchy feminists out hexing in Chandler Park.  Left sign reads: JK Rowling @jk_rowling, How Horrible. Voldemort was nowhere near as bad.

    1. Don’t layoff your tenured Women’s Studies prof.
    2. Apologize for protecting rapists.
    3.  Ban all pink wool.
    4. Himpathize.
  1. When the Mass Hex peels off  thick slabs of your skin, you should,
    1. Resign.
    2. Pop fat bombs:  mix equal parts MCT oil, butter, egg yolk, coconut oil, and pink salt.  Form into balls, roll in bacons bits.
    3. Re-assert your claim over the sidewalk: “Hey baby, wanna go on a date?
    4. If you are sitting in one of those linking black chairs in a meeting, manspread now.
  1. In order to minimize the apocalyptic impact of a Witchy Feminist Mass Hex already set in motion,
    1. Clean the toilet
    2. Order a bunch of huge red signs that say “I ♥ Women’s Studies.”  Place them in front of the president’s parking spot, in the football locker room, and in front each fraternity house.
    3. Write a love song to Title IX and sing it Karaoke-style at the Board of Ed meeting.
    4. Where’s my mancooler?
  1. In the event of a Witchy Feminist Mass Hex, take shelter in
    1. Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys who Want to Be Girls
    2. Iceland–it’s already been hexed
    3. The shooting range next to the preschool.
    4. My $500 billion New Zealand mancave.  I’ve invited Putin to take cover with me.  He’s a tremendous man.
  2. The only way to counter a Witchy Feminist Mass Hex is
    1. Take a Women’s Studies class and learn to acknowledge your privilege.
    2. Cook low-carb/high fat chili for the witches. One with mushrooms and the other with grass-fed beef.
    3. Pass the Equal Rights Amendment.
    4. Train your school district to understand and comply with TITLE IX
    5. Manterrupt it.


  1. D.  C has “man” in it, so I’ll accept it too.
  2. D.  If it has the word “man” or “him” in it, it’s correct.
  3. D. See explanation, #2.
  4. D.  Duh.
  5. D, but Miss Vera is tremendous–here’s how to enroll.
  6. E, If you chose A, B, or C, you deserve to be boiled alive and eaten by the Witchy Feminists.